Baker and Butcher, PI

 Some years ago now, inspired by a marathon of "Murder, She Wrote" myself and my good friend Colin Butcher decided to form our own detective agency, called Baker and Butcher, or as Colin would incorrectly have you believe "Butcher and Baker". As luck would have it (for us, not for the people involved) an armed robbery occurred at a local shop just a few days later, and we decided this was a sign, the perfect opportunity to make a name for ourselves in the detective business, so we got straight on the case. The trail took us to some pretty dark places (literally, we found out that a nearby train tunnel was a hang out spot for the local ne'erdowells) and we saw some pretty crazy things, namely a swan in a lake with a squirrel on his back, this didn't have anything to do with the case, but we had to walk through the park to get to the train tunnel, it was a nice day and we stopped for ice cream, I had a standard 99 flake. We found our first big clue in that tunnel, the robber was wearing a Geoffrey Boycott mask, and we found several of these masks in the tunnel. We knew that the robber held the gun in his left hand, and that he had a thick west country accent, and after several days we came to the only available conclusion, the robber was none other than Roger Chapman, we took our case to the police and they set off to find Roger. Unfortunately, not only had Roger been on holiday in Benidorm since before the theft took place, he also lost all the fingers on his left hand in a lawn mower accident six months previous.


It proved somewhat difficult to get work as detectives for some years after that.

Down at the old Belgian Bunkhouse....

Back in March 1973 I formed a reggae band called "Gregg Baker and the Wholemeal Plutos". For a brief time we got quite popular in the clubs of North Yorkshire, a traditional reggae stronghold, and had an avid following of plutoites, some of our more popular tunes included:

"Short Bredren"
"The Belgian Bunkhouse"
"Pecan Swirl"
and "The Great Tuna Crunch"

Things started to go downhill after a few months, my passion for baking got in the way of my song writing and tunes such as

"Sweet Chicken Chilli Bloomer"
and
"Pasty the Dutchie"

drew boos from the crowds at the Coach and Horses and Whitby working mens club. After a particularly unnaprecitated performance at the later myself and the Wholemeal Plutos got into something of an altercation, security (a chap known as 'Big Barry') broke it up and calmed everyone down, myself and the band went our seperate ways, I didn't keep in touch, but I hear they went on to be massive in Lichtenstein.

Later with Jools Holland...

 A while back I met Jools Holland OBE, up on telling him that I could play a mean sax solo he put forward the standing offer to jam with him and his rhythm and blues orchestra, an offer I took up the other night. After performing 'Feeling Good', 'Green Onions' and 'Lady in Red" we headed out on the town, at three in the morning myself and Jools found ourselves performing the sprinkler in the centre of the dance floor, and I had a revelation, I am awesome.